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Interpretive Dance Dance Interpretation – Simone Biles Edition

Since the dawn of time, elite gymnasts have performed floor routines consisting of cross tumbling passes and walking and arm waving that exist solely to move the gymnast to different corner to tumble. These routines are also done to musical accompaniments that seldom relate to the movements the gymnast performs. Luckily for the gym fans of the world, a few choreographers and coaches have begun to alter this staple of women’s artistic gymnastics  and gymnasts now make valiant efforts to perform with the music rather than in spite of it.

The choreography of Kim Zmeskal-Burdette and Dominic Zito most prominently demonstrates the transition from music existing in the background of a floor routine to music playing an integral role in the routine. For example, in an interview with International Gymnast, KZB explained that Bailie Key plays the role of a circus performer or a magician in her floor routine. Kim’s statement caused me to ponder what characters other gymnasts play in their routines. After a thorough investigation in which I utilized the scientific method and was reviewed by a jury of my peers, I deduced the following characters portrayed during the gymnast’s routine.

Simone Biles – 2015 Floor Routine

Simone is a bored housewife sitting at home and while flipping through the channels decides to recreate what she sees. When she initially turns on the tv, she is greeted by the cartoons her children were viewing before she shipped them off to their $25,000 a year private elementary school. Simone immediately changes the channel and busts a move to the music blaring during a Telemundo commercial.

Me gusta bailar!

Simone accidentally dances onto the clicker, or remote control as it is known outside of the Northeast, and a 1970’s spy show appears on screen and Simone dodges laser beams with sass and pizazz.

Take that, leader of a South American drug cartel!

Take that, leader of a South American drug cartel!

Simone then accidentally views…MTV2? MTV3? #MTV#tbt? Whatever channel plays music videos nowadays and choreographs her own moves to the music typically described as what the kids are listening to. Simone then purrs along to a cat food commercial and then views an informercial depicting people shocked by how quickly the stains disappear from a myriad of fabrics.

Grass disappears from a yellow shirt in HOW many seconds??

Grass disappears from a yellow shirt in HOW many seconds??

She then pauses briefly on a soap opera in which a similarly bored housewife attempts to seduce the poolboy.

Come hither, twin brother of my cousins half-sister's ex-lovuh's dog walker!

Come hither, twin brother of my cousins half-sister’s ex-lovuh’s dog walker!

Deeming that too close to home, Simone changes the channel and attempts to join a Richard Simmons aerobic workout.


5..6..7..8..Sweat like you’re on a first date!

Simone switches back to the spy show to see the dramatic conclusion! Spy Simone destroys the bad guy and decides to lounge on her yacht, which is actually just the pool deck on her McMansion. Fin!

Not The Exorcist

Not The Exorcist

dance interpretationinterpretive dancesillinesssimone bilessometimes old people make jokes

Kerry Joyce • 23/08/2015

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