GymMapStics

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How To Throw an Amazing Gymnastics Party

Gymnastics is fun to watch but even more fun to watch with friends! And even more fun when you are of legal drinking age! And then even more fun stil when you drink while it’s live because you will inevitably watch the replay on YouTube more times than you actually phone your mother when you tell her you will. Here’s a few foolproof steps to hosting your very own amazing gymnastics viewing party!

Beverages

Hit up your local liquor store. Be sure to bring identification, unless you are like GymMapStics and the employees know you by name and don’t ask to see your license anymore. Stock up on the following products:

Smirnoff Vault-ka
Uneven Bars-cardi Rum
Four Inches Wide Wine* 
Tour JeTequila

Gymanstics booze*Purchase red wine if the meet uses Gymnova equipment!

Drink out of glasses that match a gymnast’s leotard and mock her faux pas about the country from which her music originates as well as where World Championships will occur later in the year. Additionally, never let her or anyone else forget that silly mistake!

Irish Cups

These do not represent Scotland!

Edible Treats

Shattered Olympic Dreams cookies are the absolute best delectable goodies to consume while watching a gymnastics competition.

Shattered Olympic Dreams

They’re like gymnastics Horcruxes! Each one is a tiny bit of a gymnast’s soul!

To create Shattered Olympic Dream Cookies follow these simple and easy steps:

  1. Bake sugar cookies. I don’t care how.
  2. Scour Stop and Shop for light corn syrup. Spend a long time searching as one feels extremely out of place and unfamiliar with that weird thing called a “baking aisle.”
  3. Put whatever amount of light corn syrup in a microwavable safe bowl, stick it in the microwave for thirty seconds or something until it is all melted and liquidy. If you do not put it in a microwavable safe bowl, you will melt a plastic bowl, spill hot sugar all over the microwave, and make your roommate think your apartment is on fire, which may not be too distant from the truth. 
  4. Add a few drops of food coloring representing one of the five colors of the Olympic rings to hot melted corn syrup and stir. Pour onto wax paper and allow to cool and harden in the freezer. 
  5. Burn one’s hands multiple times. This step cannot be avoided. 
  6. Repeat process with red, yellow, blue and green food coloring and then use cocoa powder for black light corn syrup blob. One should then have five blobs of hardened sugar that mirror the colors and circles every Olympian eventually tattoos on their body. 
  7. Crush, shatter, destroy, rip apart, and completely desecrate sugar blobs similar to the method in which Olympic hopes and dreams are inevitably and unavoidably smashed to smithereens. 
  8. Smear copious amounts of ridiculously sugary frosting on only one side of the cookies. This is very important: they are not frosting sandwiches with cookie filling!
  9. Place shattered sugar pieces on top of frosted cookie. 
  10. Feast on the cookies the way the national team coordinator feasts on the shattered Olympic dreams and tears of the nation’s gymnasts. Enjoy!
Pre-Meet Activities

Gymnastics is fun to watch but can be rather passive whereas games are interactive and FUN. Here are some suggestions of games one can play prior to the commencement of the meet: 

  • Destruction of Life Size Steve Pen-ñata (Warning: Large open space required for this activity!)
  • Candlelight Vigil Commemorating Lost ACLs and Achilles
  • Three Armed Handstand Races
  • “It Was A Deltchev!” Scream Off
  • Headcase Charades
  • Bhardwaj-ing for Apples (Dive head first while twisting into a pile of apples.) 
  • Tim Daggett Impression Contest
  • Zmesikal Chairs (Similar to musical chairs except uses only Kim’s floor music and rather than sit on a chair participants must hold her signature beam pose.)  
  • Kyla Robot Dance Party
 
And GymMapStics’ very favorite game….
 
Pin the Mustache on Bela Karolyi!
Bela Karolyi

Now THIS is artistry.

 Optional: Sing the “La La La’s” of Gabby Douglas’  2015 floor music while spinning and stop when the person has been properly disoriented and must walk forward to pin the ‘stache. 
 
 Drinking Game

No gymnastics viewing party is complete without an imbibing activity to compliment the atrocious commentary! GymMapStics compiled the following list featuring some obvious choices, some oldies but goodies, and some rules one may not want to follow unless one wishes to channel Frank the Tank.

Drinking Game

GymMapStics is not responsible for any poor choices made while partaking in this terrible game. Poor choices include but are not limited to doing cartwheels in the road, losing one’s phone and dignity, attempting kips on scaffolding, texting your ex, challenging strangers to handstand contests, and performing level 5 compulsory routines in crowded bars. GymMapStics requests that you watch gymnastics responsibly. 
And there you have it! A few easy steps that will result in the best gymnastics party of all time, ALL TIME! 
adultingbela karolyicookiesfungrownup gamesgymnasticsirresponsibilitypartyshattered olympic dreams

Kerry Joyce • 05/02/2016


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